Spit or Swallow? Understanding 10 Ways Men Eat Sunflower Seeds
Posted on October 12, 2011 by Lena & Jules
The good news is that we no longer have to watch men spitting brown tobacco sludge during baseball games that now favor the sunflower seed as chew of choice. If you take a close look, seed eating is an expressive art form – complex opening, sorting, chewing and expelling all happens inside the mouth – sometimes in the midst of a critical play. The way a man attacks the minuscule meat of a sunflower can say a lot about him. As you watch the champion chewers in the dugout, consider these 10 interpretations of his seed eating style:
1. He Opens One Seed at a Time
He’s a nervous wreck. This insecure puppy is trying hard to look like he’s got something to do. He’ll probably be riding the bench throughout playoff season or playing with his Blackberry instead of asking you out.
2. He Puts a Whole Handful in his Mouth
This guy is a little cocky, but committed. Once he’s got that whole pile in his mouth, there is much work to be done separating the wood from the seed. This man will get in over his head, but finish the job when it counts.
3. He Eats While Running
The ultimate multi-tasker might have a tinge of ADD if he’s eating seeds on the run. You’ll need to improve his focus to get his full attention, but that may also save him from choking at 3rd base.
4. He Swallows the Whole Thing – Shell and All
He’s a bachelor and this is his dinner. Look out girls, ‘cause you don’t want to be around when all that fiber makes the exit.
5. He Shells a Pile First Then Eats
This guy is a rare find who is organized and disciplined. Be wary of him veering into an OCD coma, but with the right guidance, this man could be the type to actually buy his mother’s birthday card in advance and mail it on time.
6. He Buys a Bag Already Shelled
Watch out for this red flag – pre-shelled seeds are a sign of laziness. If he’s not up for the whole salty experience, he’s likely to cut corners in other areas. We say, go for the wood, not the bag.
7. He Spits the Shells Near His Feet
A man who can spit out a shell nearby without it landing on himself is experienced. He’s been around the bases a few times, but thankfully, will not need a roadmap to find your sunflower.
8. He Spits the Shells as Far Away as Possible
He’s not the most considerate man and may be compensating for lack of length elsewhere. Often seen in MLB coaches and mid-career investment bankers – unexplained salty lips say he’s hiding something.
9. He Spits Shells Into His Hand
He enjoys the experience, but is responsible. He’ll erase incriminating photos from the Vegas weekend so his best friend actually makes it to the altar.
10. He Prefers a Jar of Sunflower Butter
He’s either on a diet, or wearing dentures. Enough said.
Join Lena and Jules for some relief pitching for the ladies as they cover the final round of playoff baseball. Tune in Oct 12th at 4:19pmET as the Texas Rangers take on the Detroit Tigers. Listen LIVE to female-friendly commentary at www.WhileTheMenWatch.com ~ where girl talk is a sport.