If your man is anything like ours, he believes that players, coaches and refs can hear the instructions they yell out through the TV. We have to admit, shouting out advice to strangers with wild abandon can feel more therapeutic than a yoga class. Here’s a way to join him in crazy town, even if you have no idea what’s going on in the game. And even more fun than yelling like an insane person is watching your man agree with you. Try these universal lines alone or together in a sentence for maximum impact:
1. “Use the Boards!”
Makes sense at any point in the game. For some reason it’s better to bounce the puck off the wall than attempt to actually pass to another player. This line also comes in handy in the bedroom, but don’t get us started…
2. “Set it Up Boys!”
Basically, this is telling them to stop acting like a bunch of frantic women at a sample-sale and get organized. Use this when you see a lot of players falling down, losing sight of the puck and trying to do any sort of move while lying on the ice.
We have no idea when this is appropriate, but it’s so much fun to yell. Just use it when his team starts to run out of steam, but only if there is no dog in the house at the time.
Inspired by Lena’s Polish MIL (whenever someone refuses a third helping of cabbage rolls) this phrase is great for tense moments in the game. Also effective when used in quick succession: “Cammon, Cammon, Cammon!”. Bring it on when either team has the puck in front of the net. It’s also useful when your car won’t start.
5. “Pull the Goalie!”
This one works when one team is ahead by more than three goals or there is less than two minutes left in the game. Your man will probably respond by saying “Not yet, it’s too early!” Sound familiar? Never fails.
6. “Where’s the Penalty?”
So far no man can give us a straight answer as to what exactly makes a clean hit. From what we’ve seen the refs are also making up the rules as they go along. Follow the “enforcer” of your choice (basically everyone not wearing a goalie mask), and you can be sure to get some mileage out of this gem.
7. “Say Goodnight!”
This is one of our favorites because of its versatility in many situations:
A) When a player gets punched out.
B) When a player gets kicked out of the game.
C) When a team is about to lose the game.
D) When the game is in double overtime and your man has to work the next day.
We recommend shouting this one in your best Scarface voice while leaving off pronunciation of the “d” and “t” for full effect: “Say Goonigh!”
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