The 8 Craziest Things About the Hope Solo Mess


The Fifa Woman’s World Cup is in full swing and so is the drama about American star goalie Hope Solo.  God forbid the media actually covered the women’s game on the field to the painstaking level of minutiae that it does for men’s sports because what the world needs now is definitely more replays and half-time analysis.

Hope Solo, is said to be the best female goalie in the world.  Depending on which side you tend to believe, Solo is either a victim of a vindictive witch hunt, or a tipsy domestic abuser.  She allegedly attacked her nephew and sister and is charged with two counts of fourth degree domestic violence.  Both sides have conflicting, roundabout explanations of what really happened that night.

With the allegations now under appeal until who knows when, we are left with chatter and speculation about USA’s golden girl gone wrong.  As the World Cup plays on, we can reflect (or cringe) on the insane lessons learned:

8.  Ray Rice is Still Worse

It’s pretty clear Hope Solo is no angel, but let’s not compare her to the Ray Rice elevator drag down incident.  The OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of domestic violence cases are by men against women.  Let’s keep a family meltdown at your sister’s house in the “white trash moment” category and realize it is not the same as chronic, insidious abuse of a woman by her partner.

7.  You’re Rich – Get a Driver

Reports state that on the night in question, Hope Solo sat outside her sister’s home in her car swigging from a bottle of wine.  Classy.  A few months later, in an unrelated incident, Hope’s husband was charged with a DUI for driving a team vehicle while under the influence.  What’s it going to take for this crew to call an UBER!!? Isn’t a ride home in Ahmed’s silver Toyota Highlander arriving in 4 minutes a better solution than international humiliation, breaking the law and um, potentially killing someone while at the wheel?

6.  “Buzzed” is not a Defense

The messy reports from both Solo and her sister depict Hope as “drunk” while her sister claims she was not drunk, “only buzzed” and therefore in complete control.  Anyone who has ever sent a “buzzed” text knows that buzzed is code for “drunk but not yet sloppy” and along with a pinch of morning after regret.

5.  Jail Is the New Yellow Card

Arresting officers at the scene reported that Solo hurled insults at them.  You’d think a seasoned player would have practice controlling her emotions with referees. Telling a police officer that your necklace is worth more than his annual salary is probably not going to work out so well for you.  No one likes a b*tch.  For a vivid example, watch the Game of Thrones season finale and see what happens to Cersei, (Queen of the Bitches) who is very publicly punished for bad behavior.

4.  FIFA Exec Stars in New Season on HBO

Late night host, John Oliver is now in a video battle with former FIFA Vice President, Jack Warner.  While Warner has time to personally respond to John Oliver with a dedicated video,  no one from FIFA took a minute to ask for the Hope Solo police report involving her allegedly attacking a 17 year old.   Meanwhile, Hope got a 30 day suspension for being in the car while her husband drove drunk. (She wasn’t even driving!) A smidgen of an actual protocol for dealing with alleged criminals might be an idea.

3.  Cheering for Your Country Should Not Feel Gross

Note to FIFA for next World Cup:  People are conflicted when they have to cheer for a star player who may also be a trash talking criminal…sort it out before the tournament please.

2.  Solo is the best goalie in the world

No one disagrees about her skill on the field.  It takes nerves of steel to be literally hammered by the media and still bring your A-Game. Hope and her team was made to face China without two key players, Megan Rapinoe and Lauren Holiday who were suspended, some say unfairly by trigger happy referees.

1.  Hope Solo Has a Double on Dexter

We were finally able to put a finger on the nagging feeling that Hope reminded us of someone.  Dexter fans, wait for it….Debra Morgan (actress Jennifer Capenter) is a dead ringer for Solo (and also dead on the show). Sorry, but if you haven’t watched the whole series by now you deserve a spoiler.

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