We are continually amazed at how serious people get about football. Even more amazing is how many traits are shared by the NFL circuit and your local preschool. Really, the biggest difference is the uniforms and a few million dollars a year in salary. Here are seven things NFL football shares with your toddler.
Hail to the 99% weight percentile. Let’s just hope they make adult sized pants with those expandable elastic waist band thingys.
The Inability to Take More Than Three Steps Without Falling
The babies have an excuse. They learned how to walk yesterday. Not sure about the rest of the grown men on the field. Seriously, count the steps that the average football player takes in one play. Bet you can’t get to ten.
Incessant Photo and Video Coverage of Everything They Do
We all have the friend with a new baby eating up your feed with posts of “Her first swing!” “His first bite of sweet potato!”. They must be on the same wave as the sports broadcasters who feel the need to analyze a catch and then replay it from five different angles. Newsflash, we don’t really need to see your sweet potato or that play in slow motion.
These are just freaky. Whether they are at an amusement park or at a game we are not amused. Why the grown-ups cheer for anyone running in circles in a dolphin costume we will never know.
For every time a parent has said “Crying is not going to get you what you want”, there is an NFL coach crying to get what he wants. He’s also hoping throwing clip boards, jumping and swearing will help. Another perk of a career in sports – acting like a toddler is actually encouraged for good ratings.
Someone is Carrying around Bottles for Them all the Time
A bottle always makes it better. The thought of breaking a sweat and risking dehydration may just be as scary as soothing yourself to sleep. Let’s hope Tom Brady’s bottle is BPA free or the Patriots are doomed this season.
Time Outs Help When it Turns into a Sh*t Show
Just think of yourself as parent of the year if you can get through the day with fewer time outs than the six(!) allowed in every NFL game. We are not football experts, but the team may want to start limiting players screen time, or tweaking the nap schedule if they are having that many meltdowns in one evening.