This past week Lena was “treated” to not one, but two NHL hockey games with her hockey obsessed hubs. The experience of going to a game with die hard fans when you could care less is much like the feeling of being designated driver on New Year’s Eve. Ruh-roh. Since no one likes a Debbie Downer, the next time you are offered some game tickets, put on your game face and make the most of it with these nine tricks Lena has perfected:
9. Arrive Early
If you have any plans to eat, drink or use the toilet, do it before the game starts. That means, don’t roll into the stadium ten minutes late because guess what? Everyone else is ten minutes late and has to pee. Getting there with a 15-minute buffer before game time will have you well hydrated and seated without having to wade through a sea of humanity for a $18 glass of wine.
8. Pimp Your Plate
If Sweet Baby J is on your side and you have any choice in the location of your seats, try to get as close as you to can to two key assets: the game and the high-end food. You want to be near the game for obvious reasons, but do not ignore that when it comes to food, stadiums are a tale of two cities. In most cases, the higher up you go in the stands, the pithier the food selection and quality. A major coup if you can score seats in the “club level” where you can graze on a semi-VIP buffet area. Don’t get too excited, it’s usually a step up from an all-inclusive resort in Cuba so play it safe and eat at home.
7. Stalk Mrs. Fields
Sports stadiums for some reason make it almost impossible for you to find a coffee. Our tip is to avoid the stagnant pizza joint coffee thermos and look for a dessert stand. Lena discovered, that Mrs. Fields has got your back. Her brew will inevitably be lukewarm, but make it work unless you can hold a beer buzz (and your pee) for four hours.
6. Lock up Your RBF
Remind yourself that even though this may not be your first choice of a night out, (okay, you may rather be getting a dental cleaning) you can’t ruin it for the others with a Resting Bitch Face. Besides, studies have shown too much RBF leads to permanent facial lines that never go away. No joke. Smile.
5. Get Your Martha On
Balance your RBF with some MFS (Martha F-ing Stewart) face painting for your crew. You can be totally bored by the game, yet be a god to your pals if you can replicate a team logo on someone’s cheek. Lena recommends Snazaroo face paint. Safe for kids, doesn’t smear and can withstand over time and a shoot out. Then post your logo love on Pinterest while you are sitting while the live game breaks for a television commercial. Yep, they actually stop real life for ads.
4. Befriend Random Strangers
There is nothing more awkward than sitting on a plane next to someone for hours who doesn’t even make eye contact. Same goes for having stranger danger paranoia at a game. If you are seated on the end, turn to Mr. or Ms. Stranger in the seat next to you and say “Hi”, then go ahead and make some civilized convo. You might get lucky and meet some hilarious dude from Long Island who keeps you more entertained than the game. He may also have disgusting beer burps that will make you glad you always roll with a tiny tin of Altoid smalls.
It’s totally cheesy, but you know you love the kiss cam. So kiss someone! Hopefully not the beer burp guy. Dance cam, drum cam etc. also fun. But p.s, they won’t put you on the cam if you are wearing the opposing team jersey which is kind of a bummer.
2. Back of the Neck Tinder
This is good for halfway through the game when all novelty of the experience (and caffeine) has worn off. Pick a row of your preferred sex seated in a row or two in front of you. Along with a partner, select three people from that row based on “back of the neck appearance only”. Decide on the top three that you would like to do _________ with. You fill in the blank accordingly. Then take a walk down the aisle to see what they look like on the other side. This game never gets old. Actual Tinder does.
1. Get Your Nails Done
Sit down and use the NHAIL app to summon your own personal manicurist to the seat next to you. Get buffed and polished with plenty of time to sit and let it dry. (Seriously, when do you ever really have four hours to sit and let your nails dry?). Amazing right? Wrong. This doesn’t exist yet, but @OPI @Essie, can you hear me?? You are welcome for that million dollar idea.